Soul Mate, Or Soul Sucker?
I read a Facebook post late last night, just before bed, from a beautiful young woman; a gut wrenching breakup post that instantly sent me back to the heartbreaks of my youth. Now, I won’t minimize this girl’s devastation, her certainty that she’d just lost her soul mate, the other half of herself. I won’t roll my eyes, or scoff at her naivety, even though that is how I see it. Why? Well, because I’ve been there, I’ve mistaken a soul sucker for a soul mate. And since I woke up with this poor bird on my mind, it would appear that I can’t even stop myself from writing her (and women like her) this open letter to the broken heart-ed. So, to the fragile feeling girl who’s heart physically hurts in this moment in time, this:
I know. I know. So does your mom, your aunt, your best friend and the woman in the grocery store line ahead of you. Anyone breathing and alive and who has opened their heart to another living soul with a guileless trust, hope, and faith that they would protect it, knows how you feel. You’re hollow and cold and lost. Disbelief. You keep playing that damn song- the one that opens the wound anew every single time- because you need to feel the pain.
My words, or those from well meaning friends and family, will mean nothing right now. Regardless, I’m going to tell you something really, really important. And you’re not going to like it. He isn’t the one. Here’s where you say, “but you don’t understand. You don’t know him like I do.” Am I right? You’ll also justify his breaking your heart- probably for the millionth time, too, by the way: “He’s going through a hard time. He’s really busy with______(Insert busy thing of the moment-job, school,ect). He’s not good with emotions. His family is…” Yeah, any and all usually apply. They are excuses, and deep down you know that already. You just don’t want to accept it, not yet. And that’s okay.
You can’t stop thinking about the plans you’ve made, the dreams you had. Are you wearing his sweatshirt right now- the one that still smells like him? That’s okay, it’s all part of the process. Don’t tear up those pictures just yet. You’ll just regret it. Save that for when you can smile and chuckle as they fall into the trash pail. Yes, you’ll get there one day.
So I mentioned up above the whole soul sucker vs. soul mate thing before? Now, I try to never give advise, but let me tell you- hand to God: Here’s what I say your soul mate- your real one will do, and how he will be:
He will not be broken. Not to say that he won’t have history and life under his belt, he will. But he will have mastered his demons and fixed himself.
He will expect for you to do the same. He does not want to be your hero, he wants to be your partner.
When you doubt yourself, he will build you up. He will do the same when you are sad or hurt. He will also tell you to buck up when you’re being a big baby.
He will expect the same from you. Again, you are to be partners.
He will be your best friend, and you will be his. Neither of you will want it any other way.
Neither of you.
He will see you as you are, not as he imagines you to be.
He will expect the same from you.
He will nearly never be the source of your pain, rather he will be the barrier between what pains you.
He will expect the same from you.
The key to every part of that is the equality in what is being given. Another thing. We banter the phrase ‘broken people‘ about with an almost reckless abandon. We use it as an excuse, or a crutch for bad behavior. Well, I say to you: No. Bull-fucking-shit. Do not accept that. Not for yourself, not from someone else.Why am I saying (writing) that to you? Because that is what you’ve done. How do I know? Because you wrote a tragic Facebook post about losing your soul mate, and I felt compelled to help you find your way towards the sunlight. When you get there- oh, yes, you will- you’ll turn to the sun with a mile wide smile on that sweet face, smiling about this heartbreak, because it will have been one step closer to your true destiny.
You are not broken, you’re a work in progress,
just like everyone else.
You are not the sum of your mistakes,
you are the sum of your choices
and you are evolving every single day.
You are on the path to greatness.
Lastly: You are not broken, you’re a work in progress, just like everyone else. You are not the sum of your mistakes, you are the sum of your choices and you are evolving every single day. You are on the path to greatness.This guy? He doesn’t make the cut. Period. Let him have his purpose in your life, which is this: the things you love about him, look for those qualities in someone new. The things that hurt you: recognize and steer clear. If you’ve read this far, thanks for sticking with it, I know you don’t want to hear it right now. But trust me, I am right. Completely, proof positive right as hell. So today- hell, this whole week- play that damn song, eat the Haagen Dazs (but not the ben & jerry’s- those fuckers don’t support police. Just sayin’) and cry your adorable fool head off. Then, when you’re done, dust yourself off and train those eyes forward, and keep him in the rear view mirror (that you’ve broken off and tossed out the window). You got this.
About Modern Melly, aka Melanie Cherniack: Melanie a a published author to nine children’s books, as well as two novels, all available through her website modernmelly.com/shop. Melanie is also the founder and designer of the #goodhuman brand, selling empowering, uplifting and inspiring merchandise which benefits numerous charities. Visit igoodhuman.com for more. She is available for book signing events as well as speaking engagements. To book an event email Melanie at email@example.com. Find Melly on Facebook HERE and on Twitter HERE.