Own Your Fifty
The Dark Side of Life
About 11 years (or so) ago I was in a dark, ugly, personal space in life, in my mind, and especially in my heart. It sucked. It also led me to make reckless choices that not only impacted me, they affected those around me. I mean, of course they did; no one is an island. The vanilla wafer version of the situation was this: I jumped into a marriage the way you cannonball into a pool; held my breath, squeezed my eyes shut, and JUMPED. We made it through about two years before the little red flags became neon flashing banners screaming, “GET THE FUCK OUT!” It was another year, and all those reckless choices I previously mentioned, before I finally got the cojones to pull the damn plug. I’ll suffice to say that if blame were a pie, we’d be splitting that fucker 50/50.
Owning Your Fifty
In all situations in (adult) life, we are part to blame/part to take credit. Own your fifty. I didn’t like owning mine in the above example, took a lot of crow swallowing, but I did it. Made my peace, said my sorry’s, learned some valuable lessons, and grew the fuck up. Doing this doesn’t make anything easier or more palatable, but it is entirely necessary if you have any intentions of growing as a human being. Do it. The easy route is assigning blame to anyone but yourself- Your parents were bad examples, your partner was an asshole, the teacher doesn’t like you. Too bad. If your folks sucked: be better. If your partner was an asshole: dump ’em and figure out why you chose ’em. Teacher doesn’t like you? Stop being a crybaby and do your work. Own. Your. Fifty.
Self Reflection vs. Self Deprecation
Owning your fifty doesn’t mean ‘beat yourself up’, by the way. Self reflection and honesty= healthy. Self deprecation and dwelling= unhealthy. Ask yourself some basic, context relevant questions. I’ll use myself as a for instance: Question: Did I make a foolish choice? Answer Yup, sure did. Question: Why? Answer (the one that took serious self examination): Ah, because I was scared to be alone and he gave me an ‘easy’ route. (PSA- always be wary of anyone offering you an ‘easy way’ out of your troubles). This is seriously a time for some real self evaluation. What do you really want? Who do you want to be? How do you want your life to look? It’s not enough to say, ‘Uh, well, I want to be happy.’ Come on, now. Make a plan, set that mofo in motion! And might I suggest, from (ahem) experience, do it right. So now that you’ve done some self reflection as to how you got ‘here’, what next?
Alright, alright, alright. You’ve really given this some thought, this ‘why am I spinning my wheels here’ in this spin cycle of misery?! So… now what?! Action!
Set short term goals
Set a long term visionary goal(s)
Continue to speak words of encouragement and kindness to yourself
Help someone else, whether by words or actions.
Applaud your victories, no matter how small
Remove toxic words from your life
Remove toxic people from your life
Surround yourself with inspiring, positive people
Speak words of encouragement and kindness to yourself
Breath, and tell yourself: Everything’s going to be alright.
Everything’s Going To Be Alright
No, seriously: it is. I can tell you, in sincere honesty, that even in my darkest moments, I knew- I knew I was going to be alright in the end. I was positive I was (ultimately) making the right decision, despite my very poor execution initially. Once I decided, there was no going backwards for me. I had faith in myself, even though I really could not see that light at the end of the tunnel, and that is everything. Trust that there is a greater plan in store for you, that everything you’re going through has purpose and will cause you to grow closer to the greatest version of yourself.
The Bright Side Of Life
Very few things in life are perfect, but your life can be perfect for you. Embrace the imperfections; they guarantee that life will never be dull. Remember that, if you’ve never lived on the dark side of life, you’ll never fully appreciate the brighter side. Be okay with your pain or heartache, cherish your battle scars, thank those who’ve hurt or disappointed you as much as those who are sunshine in your life. There will be a day when you look at this crap-tastic moment you’re living in and smile. You’ll nod your head, maybe even look skyward for a moment, and then carry on with your beautiful, imperfectly perfect life. Just like I do.
About Modern Melly, aka Melanie Cherniack: Melanie a a published author to nine children’s books, as well as two novels, all available through her website modernmelly.com/shop. Melanie is also the founder and designer of the #goodhuman brand, selling empowering, uplifting and inspiring merchandise which benefits numerous charities. Visit igoodhuman.com for more. She is available for book signing events as well as speaking engagements. To book an event email Melanie at firstname.lastname@example.org. Find Melly on Facebook HERE and on Twitter HERE.