Keep It Classy, Ladies

Keep It Classy, Ladies

Keep It Classy, Ladies by Modern Melly People rarely say or do things to amaze me anymore. I hate to sound jaded, but it’s true. They do, however, totally baffle me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me. Am I  the one who’s wacky?! Okay, technically- yes. Yes, I am wacky in my own way (or so my … Read More

Dear ‘Dame Streep’

Dear ‘Dame Streep’

Dear ‘Dame Streep’ An Homage (of sorts) By Modern Melly Dear ‘Dame Streep’, Let me first say, Brava, madam, brava! Watching your speech last night, well, let me just stand up, beat a slow clap, and let a delicate tear slip from the corner of my eye. Seriously, that was academy award worthy. A fine, … Read More

A Very Gif-y Story

A Very Gif-y Story

A Very Gif-y Story By ModernMelly In writing my last blog post (moments ago) I had to find some gifs to  humorously punctuate my paragraphs. I freaking love gifs (and memes). One of them, a Betty Draper (Mad Men) gif, really got me laughing so I started imagining  a story told primarily via gifs from the … Read More

Gun Facts For Dummies

Gun Facts For Dummies

I thought about giving this a really misleading title, like: “GUNS ARE EVIL!” just so I could get the anti-gun hysterics folks out there to read this. But then I said fuck it gosh darn it, I’m not a bullshitter, not a coddle-r, I’m a fact girl. I like facts. So, I figure there’s got … Read More

Dear Mothers of Sons (A Request From Mothers of Daughters)

Dear Mothers of Sons (A Request From Mothers of Daughters)

Hi there, boy mamas! I see you’ve already put on your defensive fuck you face, but settle down. We are adulting, so hear me out. Now, first off, this is only going out to a very select group of mothers. Not ALL mothers of sons. Nor is this something I or anyone I know, dealing … Read More

25 Priceless Texts Only Mom Could Write

25 Priceless Texts Only Mom Could Write

25 Priceless Texts Only Mom Could Write BY NEHA PRAKASH MAY 09, 2013 With Mother’s Day just around the corner, it’s that time we appreciate all that Mom has done for us over the years. Yes, those 3 a.m. feedings were crucial and packing our lunches was a big deal, but there’s something else that … Read More

On Faith: An Awkward Journey To Acceptance

On Faith: An Awkward Journey To Acceptance

Woo. Awkward one.I mean, for me it is- or was, at least. Religion, particularly the Catholic kind, has always given me the distinct feeling of discomfort. Like, if someone started talking about their trust in the Almighty, or the ‘Lord Jesus Christ is my Savior’, oh, my God (yeah, I saw what I just did … Read More

12 Happy Pages For Social Media Addicts

12 Happy Pages For Social Media Addicts

  12 Happy Pages For Social Media Addicts By Modern Melly Hello fellow social media addicts! Disclaimer: This is not a support group, nor will I try to persuade you to step away from the computer/laptop/tablet/smartphone and go enjoy nature and a real conversation with spoken words and no emoticons. Nope, that’s someone else’s job. … Read More

Dear Everyone Writing A ‘Dear____’ Blog

Dear Everyone Writing A ‘Dear____’ Blog

Dear everyone and their mother that writes a blog, including me: STOP FUCKING WRITING ‘DEAR (insert person type here)’. Enough already, we get it. Seriously. Dear children’s costume company, stop making costumes gender specific.Dear lady at the gym that looked at me funny while I was on the treadmill eating a Snickers bar. Dear man … Read More

Top Internet Troll & Trash Talker Tactics

Top Internet Troll & Trash Talker Tactics

Today’s topic is: Internet Trolls and the Trash They Talk! We all know ’em, we all love…err, hate ’em! Ya can’t live with them, and ya can’t give ’em a little shove off a big cliff, now can ya?!Aren’t they are fucking awesome? (She says with heavy sarcasm) Sigh. Right? So, since we can’t get rid … Read More

A Moderate American Taps the Mic, Revisited

A Moderate American Taps the Mic, Revisited

Revisiting A Moderate America Takes the Mic By Modern Melly I wrote this back in August, a spur of the moment, knee jerk reaction to current events. This morning, I decided to revisit and revamp and see what, if any thing has changed. New remarks are in red. Hello, my name is Moderate American. You … Read More

Imagined Conversations With Our Cat & Dog

Imagined Conversations With Our Cat & Dog

We have a ugly/cute Shih-Tzu named Silas and an ugly/cute Blue Point Himalayan named Biggie (actually, it’s Notorious B.I.G.) I say ugly/cute because, as their human parent, I think they’re lovely. The reactions from others tells me different. In their defense, I’m positive they look at us, their people, and think much the same. Here … Read More

Too Many Heroes

Too Many Heroes

Ahem. *Stands on soapbox, taps microphone. I couldn’t help but notice, and of course partake in the numerous dialogues and debates over what constitutes a Hero. Since I haven’t posted a vent in a while, and I know you’re just dying for one from me (wink, wink, j/k) I thought I’d add my useless opinion … Read More

Welcome Winds Of Change

Welcome Winds Of Change

“Welcome winds of change…” or so I keep telling myself. Repeatedly. Daily. Almost hourly. From where did this obsessiveness with this phrase come?  Ah, well it started last week, as I absently scrolled down my Facebook wall. Meme after meme, post after post, article after article. I was in a “Facebook fog”- a phenomenon as equally … Read More

Ten Traits Sarcastic Women Share

Ten Traits Sarcastic Women Share

Chronically sarcastic women are oft misunderstood, it a basic fact. Sometimes it’s a literal “you-honestly-don’t-get-sarcasm, do you?” kind of thing, and other times it’s the whole “you have to know me and know what I know in order to understand why I’m sarcastic” deal. Nonetheless, we are a misunderstood species. Unless we are talking to each … Read More

A Simple Truth

A Simple Truth

A rainy Sunday morning and 30 minutes of scrolling my Facebook news feed was all it took to get this one going. All that’s missing is my morning cup of coffee in my ‘writing cup’, but I’ll grab that after its done brewing & in between sentences. You wont even notice I’m gone. So, I’m … Read More

The Great, The Fun, The Crazy (Things I Love)

The Great, The Fun, The Crazy (Things I Love)

  The Great, The Fun, The Crazy (Things I Love) By ModernMelly   I know I’m being cliche, but the truth really is, when women get together we (at some point) talk about beauty and fashion and all things ‘girly’. We talk about politics (gasp!) theology (really!) the meaning of life, and… where’d you get … Read More

Your Kid’s An Asshole. (And It’s Definitely Your Fault)

Your Kid’s An Asshole. (And It’s Definitely Your Fault)

Sorry, I know that’s really harsh. But I really needed to get your attention, like RIGHT NOW, before it’s too late. I also know that you are trying, really and truly trying, to do everything right. You’re following all that super awesome advice from the psychologists and parenting gurus, you read all the parenting articles about … Read More

Boxes, Prayers & Swears (AKA Sanity Savers)

Boxes, Prayers & Swears (AKA Sanity Savers)

Yes. That’s right: Boxes, Prayers & Swears. Where’s she going with this, right? Well,  it’s kinda my thing, among other things, of course, for getting through life’s ‘stuff’. I love all three, plus one that’s not up there: Drinks. I left it out so as not to offend the teetotalers. I’m nice like that, because … Read More

If I Had A Soundtrack To My Life

If I Had A Soundtrack To My Life

As you, of course know (because you follow my blog so devoutly. Wink, wink.) I am a police loving, lipstick wearing, Steve Perry obsessed, I Love You, Man drinker, who has a penchant for imagining that I am living an ever running live TV show, of which I am obviously: The Star. As the star of … Read More

Willful Ignorance, Close Talkers, & More, Oh My!

Willful Ignorance, Close Talkers, & More, Oh My!

I have a relatively short list of things I despise. Generally, I try to focus on the things I love- it’s healthier, it’s wiser, it keeps me from throat punching people. However, I’ve got to tell you- there are a few things that yank my chain hard enough to, well… blog about it. Let us start … Read More

Lip Service

Lip Service

Someone. Please…. what is it about buying lipstick that makes me so ridiculously euphoric? It’s right up there with shoes and purses, my one time obsession, but now? It’s all about the lipstick. What, what is it, you ask? Is it the colors? The look?  Yes! Yes! But, still, it’s more than just that. I … Read More

It’s Just My Face

It’s Just My Face

*As I recall it, it was on a warm summer day in 1977, when I was first given a inkling that something was different, perhaps even wrong with me. I was but a mere child, all of six years old, when a kindly looking stranger approached my mother and I smiling. He bent down, tousled my hair, … Read More

When Is A Dream Just A Dream

When Is A Dream Just A Dream

I’ve always been a super, and I mean super, vivid dreamer. In fact, I have dreams from childhood that I can still recall with sharp detail. I also have had a series of recurring dreams, begun in childhood, that I still occasionally have to this day. I used to dream The Wizard Of Oz (combination … Read More

Objectivity, You’re a Jerk

Objectivity, You’re a Jerk

Objectivity, You’re a Jerk By ModernMelly Objectivity is a jerk. And a curse. Seriously, it is. The day after the Grammys, which I didn’t watch (but read about the highlights and low-lights all over social media afterwards) I sat down to write this stompy, pouty, pissed off post about these a-hole “artists” and their social … Read More

Mean Kinda Funny

Mean Kinda Funny

Some people seem to be born with that gene that makes them just simply know how to act right, behave, be cool. They tell appropriate jokes, they laugh normal… my humor? Well, let’s say that it takes a certain kind of folk to appreciate. It all comes from the German side of the family, my mother’s side. Germans love mean humor- you know, … Read More

Dear 20-Something: An Open Apology

Dear 20-Something: An Open Apology

*Disclaimer: when I started this blog post, I was in a bitchy, pissed off, and disgusted mood. I’d been watching too much “news” with their primary focus on too many privileged college aged people making asses and nuisances of themselves “protesting” things they knew little to nothing about. My contempt, annoyance and disgust was channeled … Read More

Ten All Time Favorite Quotes

Doesn’t it seem that there is quite literally a quote out there for every situation? Over the years, I’ve acquired so many- storing and saving them on scraps of paper, on my laptop, my iPad, and my phone for just that right moment when I could pull one up and use it at the most opportune … Read More

The Art of Being Vague

Ah, the art of being vague. It’s, you know, kind of simple but not. (See what I did there? I was being vague.) Now, you forthright, direct people may wonder; Is this a thing? And if so, why is it a thing? Well, I’ll tell you, as directly as I’m capable. Being vague has multiple … Read More

My Two Americas

My Two Americas Normally, I like to keep my posts kind of light and fluffy, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of our nation. I think we all have been doing that, given the current social and economic climate. Right off the top, I have to say that I have no business … Read More

Menopausal Mean Girls

One of the twenty seven projects I am currently (and simultaneously) working on, thank you ADD , is a storage bench in need of a seat cushion and some pretty fabric. Which means that a trip to the fabric store was in order. Now, as you may or may not know, I am somewhat new … Read More

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