Keep It Classy, Ladies

Keep It Classy, Ladies

Keep It Classy, Ladies by Modern Melly People rarely say or do things to amaze me anymore. I hate to sound jaded, but it’s true. They do, however, totally baffle me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me. Am I  the one who’s wacky?! Okay, technically- yes. Yes, I am wacky in my own way (or so my … Read More

12 People You Know (And Want to Slap Sometimes) On Facebook

12 People You Know (And Want to Slap Sometimes) On Facebook

  12 People You Know (And Want To Slap Sometimes) On Facebook by ModernMelly We all know em, we all ARE them ( at one time or another, at least) and we all roll our eyes at them. Let’s get right to messing with our favorite Facebook-ers, shall we? 1) The Humblebragger Oh, the master-er … Read More

Online Job Application: Police Wife

Online Job Application: Police Wife

So I have to preface this post with an explanation: Last week my husband and I were having a difference of opinion- okay, fine, a bit of an argument really- about an obligation versus a commitment, which one takes precedence, which of us was right, which was wrong, blah blah blah. It happens, no big … Read More

Dear 44th Birthday

Dear 44th Birthday

Dear 44th, Aww, hey, what’s up? Listen, I just wanted to welcome you, and you know, try and make you feel a little less the ‘outsider’ here. I get how you must feel, 44; you’re not Ms. Hot Shot Big Deal 45, and 43 is already walked away with a ‘see ya, wouldn’t wanna be … Read More

Dear Everyone Writing A ‘Dear____’ Blog

Dear Everyone Writing A ‘Dear____’ Blog

Dear everyone and their mother that writes a blog, including me: STOP FUCKING WRITING ‘DEAR (insert person type here)’. Enough already, we get it. Seriously. Dear children’s costume company, stop making costumes gender specific.Dear lady at the gym that looked at me funny while I was on the treadmill eating a Snickers bar. Dear man … Read More

Top Internet Troll & Trash Talker Tactics

Top Internet Troll & Trash Talker Tactics

Today’s topic is: Internet Trolls and the Trash They Talk! We all know ’em, we all love…err, hate ’em! Ya can’t live with them, and ya can’t give ’em a little shove off a big cliff, now can ya?!Aren’t they are fucking awesome? (She says with heavy sarcasm) Sigh. Right? So, since we can’t get rid … Read More

Imagined Conversations With Our Cat & Dog

Imagined Conversations With Our Cat & Dog

We have a ugly/cute Shih-Tzu named Silas and an ugly/cute Blue Point Himalayan named Biggie (actually, it’s Notorious B.I.G.) I say ugly/cute because, as their human parent, I think they’re lovely. The reactions from others tells me different. In their defense, I’m positive they look at us, their people, and think much the same. Here … Read More

Ten Traits Sarcastic Women Share

Ten Traits Sarcastic Women Share

Chronically sarcastic women are oft misunderstood, it a basic fact. Sometimes it’s a literal “you-honestly-don’t-get-sarcasm, do you?” kind of thing, and other times it’s the whole “you have to know me and know what I know in order to understand why I’m sarcastic” deal. Nonetheless, we are a misunderstood species. Unless we are talking to each … Read More

If I Had A Soundtrack To My Life

If I Had A Soundtrack To My Life

As you, of course know (because you follow my blog so devoutly. Wink, wink.) I am a police loving, lipstick wearing, Steve Perry obsessed, I Love You, Man drinker, who has a penchant for imagining that I am living an ever running live TV show, of which I am obviously: The Star. As the star of … Read More

Well, I’ll Be Damned

Well, I’ll Be Damned

Well, I”l be damned. That’s what I was thinking, a few days ago, as I bobbed along in an aluminum kayak, in the middle of a crystal clear Florida spring, alone. It was beautiful, as you can see by the picture. It was a serene,lovely place, surrounded by a myriad of trees and bush, Spanish moss … Read More

Help! Just Kidding, I’d Never Ask That

Help! Just Kidding, I’d Never Ask That

When Elton John sang, “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” he was, of course, right. It’s true, I’m terrible at it and avoid having to say it as if it were the plague. My husband, who gets more apologies from me than anyone else on the planet (still not many, though) will attest to … Read More

I Love You Man (Drunk)

I Love You Man (Drunk)

My husband and I went out last night for a show- Dwight Yoakam, if you care (and even if you don’t). Weeknight shows are a little rough- after working all day, and knowing you have to be up in the morning- but we still got our drink on and had a blast. I knew we … Read More

I’m Not Talking To You, I’m Talking To Me

I’m Not Talking To You, I’m Talking To Me

We all do it. Don’t deny it… we all talk to ourselves. Sometimes, we’re the only one who listens, am I right?! (hardy-har-har, I know). It’s totally normal, healthy even, to have internal dialogues as we navigate through our day. Of course, the key word there was: internal. If you’re blabbing away out loud to … Read More

If I Could Just Get Out Of My Own Way

If I Could Just Get Out Of My Own Way

Seriously. If I could just get out of my own way, I’d do just peachy. I’m meaning this in a most literal sense, but I briefly acknowledge that I also mean it figuratively as well. But that’s another story. (For real, I’ll probably write another story about that.) Fortunately, my literal trips, stumbles, slips and … Read More

Drinking and Blogging

Drinking and Blogging

Rule Number One: Don’t Drink and Blog. I mean, that probably is a good rule, considering that your ability to filter your thoughts is as impaired as… well, as you are. Or, in this case, I am. Was. Even though I’m undrunk now, I’m still going to share with you the deep thoughts of an … Read More

Mean Kinda Funny

Mean Kinda Funny

Some people seem to be born with that gene that makes them just simply know how to act right, behave, be cool. They tell appropriate jokes, they laugh normal… my humor? Well, let’s say that it takes a certain kind of folk to appreciate. It all comes from the German side of the family, my mother’s side. Germans love mean humor- you know, … Read More

The Art of Being Vague

Ah, the art of being vague. It’s, you know, kind of simple but not. (See what I did there? I was being vague.) Now, you forthright, direct people may wonder; Is this a thing? And if so, why is it a thing? Well, I’ll tell you, as directly as I’m capable. Being vague has multiple … Read More

Scattered

Yup. Scattered. That’d be the word for describing my brain activity yesterday, and so far (at 9:15am) the word of today, as well. Why? No seriously, whyyyyy ?? I’ve been trying to pin point the reason since yesterday morning, when I found myself all over the place- physically and mentally- from the moment I woke up. I had … Read More

You Named Him WHAT?!

You Named Him WHAT?!

Well, that little nugget, is me. You may have seen this picture before, in another blog, but I’m compelled to use it again because it really is me. As in, the essence of who I am. Goofy. Awkward. Tom-boyish (check that outfit!). Girly (oh, those red sandals!). A ham. The only thing I can’t claim … Read More

I’m Just Here For The Comments

I have an amazing group of friends. I simply love each one of them, and what they bring to the group. Now, having said that, I’ve got to tell you: they’re nuts. Granted, not certifiably so, and probably not any more nuts than your group of friends, but nuts nonetheless. So, I’ll give you a little background, … Read More

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