Keep It Classy, Ladies

Keep It Classy, Ladies

Keep It Classy, Ladies by Modern Melly People rarely say or do things to amaze me anymore. I hate to sound jaded, but it’s true. They do, however, totally baffle me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me. Am I  the one who’s wacky?! Okay, technically- yes. Yes, I am wacky in my own way (or so my … Read More

12 People You Know (And Want to Slap Sometimes) On Facebook

12 People You Know (And Want to Slap Sometimes) On Facebook

  12 People You Know (And Want To Slap Sometimes) On Facebook by ModernMelly We all know em, we all ARE them ( at one time or another, at least) and we all roll our eyes at them. Let’s get right to messing with our favorite Facebook-ers, shall we? 1) The Humblebragger Oh, the master-er … Read More

25 Priceless Texts Only Mom Could Write

25 Priceless Texts Only Mom Could Write

25 Priceless Texts Only Mom Could Write BY NEHA PRAKASH MAY 09, 2013 With Mother’s Day just around the corner, it’s that time we appreciate all that Mom has done for us over the years. Yes, those 3 a.m. feedings were crucial and packing our lunches was a big deal, but there’s something else that … Read More

Online Job Application: Police Wife

Online Job Application: Police Wife

So I have to preface this post with an explanation: Last week my husband and I were having a difference of opinion- okay, fine, a bit of an argument really- about an obligation versus a commitment, which one takes precedence, which of us was right, which was wrong, blah blah blah. It happens, no big … Read More

Thanks Mister

Thanks Mister

This morning when I woke up, I did the same first thing that I always do: I check my phone. More specifically, I check (in this order) my texts, my Twitter notifications, email glance, then ahh: my Facebook feed. As you may (or may not) know, that is my world news source; friends, family, politics, … Read More

Dear 44th Birthday

Dear 44th Birthday

Dear 44th, Aww, hey, what’s up? Listen, I just wanted to welcome you, and you know, try and make you feel a little less the ‘outsider’ here. I get how you must feel, 44; you’re not Ms. Hot Shot Big Deal 45, and 43 is already walked away with a ‘see ya, wouldn’t wanna be … Read More

12 Happy Pages For Social Media Addicts

12 Happy Pages For Social Media Addicts

  12 Happy Pages For Social Media Addicts By Modern Melly Hello fellow social media addicts! Disclaimer: This is not a support group, nor will I try to persuade you to step away from the computer/laptop/tablet/smartphone and go enjoy nature and a real conversation with spoken words and no emoticons. Nope, that’s someone else’s job. … Read More

Dear Everyone Writing A ‘Dear____’ Blog

Dear Everyone Writing A ‘Dear____’ Blog

Dear everyone and their mother that writes a blog, including me: STOP FUCKING WRITING ‘DEAR (insert person type here)’. Enough already, we get it. Seriously. Dear children’s costume company, stop making costumes gender specific.Dear lady at the gym that looked at me funny while I was on the treadmill eating a Snickers bar. Dear man … Read More

Top Internet Troll & Trash Talker Tactics

Top Internet Troll & Trash Talker Tactics

Today’s topic is: Internet Trolls and the Trash They Talk! We all know ’em, we all love…err, hate ’em! Ya can’t live with them, and ya can’t give ’em a little shove off a big cliff, now can ya?!Aren’t they are fucking awesome? (She says with heavy sarcasm) Sigh. Right? So, since we can’t get rid … Read More

Imagined Conversations With Our Cat & Dog

Imagined Conversations With Our Cat & Dog

We have a ugly/cute Shih-Tzu named Silas and an ugly/cute Blue Point Himalayan named Biggie (actually, it’s Notorious B.I.G.) I say ugly/cute because, as their human parent, I think they’re lovely. The reactions from others tells me different. In their defense, I’m positive they look at us, their people, and think much the same. Here … Read More

Ten Traits Sarcastic Women Share

Ten Traits Sarcastic Women Share

Chronically sarcastic women are oft misunderstood, it a basic fact. Sometimes it’s a literal “you-honestly-don’t-get-sarcasm, do you?” kind of thing, and other times it’s the whole “you have to know me and know what I know in order to understand why I’m sarcastic” deal. Nonetheless, we are a misunderstood species. Unless we are talking to each … Read More

Help! Just Kidding, I’d Never Ask That

Help! Just Kidding, I’d Never Ask That

When Elton John sang, “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” he was, of course, right. It’s true, I’m terrible at it and avoid having to say it as if it were the plague. My husband, who gets more apologies from me than anyone else on the planet (still not many, though) will attest to … Read More

I’m Not Talking To You, I’m Talking To Me

I’m Not Talking To You, I’m Talking To Me

We all do it. Don’t deny it… we all talk to ourselves. Sometimes, we’re the only one who listens, am I right?! (hardy-har-har, I know). It’s totally normal, healthy even, to have internal dialogues as we navigate through our day. Of course, the key word there was: internal. If you’re blabbing away out loud to … Read More

It’s Just My Face

It’s Just My Face

*As I recall it, it was on a warm summer day in 1977, when I was first given a inkling that something was different, perhaps even wrong with me. I was but a mere child, all of six years old, when a kindly looking stranger approached my mother and I smiling. He bent down, tousled my hair, … Read More

If I Could Just Get Out Of My Own Way

If I Could Just Get Out Of My Own Way

Seriously. If I could just get out of my own way, I’d do just peachy. I’m meaning this in a most literal sense, but I briefly acknowledge that I also mean it figuratively as well. But that’s another story. (For real, I’ll probably write another story about that.) Fortunately, my literal trips, stumbles, slips and … Read More

Life Lessons I’ve Learned By Being A Police Wife

Life Lessons I’ve Learned By Being A Police Wife

My husband and I met nearly 8 years ago, through a dating website. We both, come to find out, just wanted to try something out of our comfort zones, neither actually “looking for love” or a one night stand for that matter. For me, as a self professed “bubble girl”- I only liked my circle … Read More

Drinking and Blogging

Drinking and Blogging

Rule Number One: Don’t Drink and Blog. I mean, that probably is a good rule, considering that your ability to filter your thoughts is as impaired as… well, as you are. Or, in this case, I am. Was. Even though I’m undrunk now, I’m still going to share with you the deep thoughts of an … Read More

10 Songs I Hate, But Know Every Word To

10 Songs I Hate, But Know Every Word To

Ten Songs I Hate, But Know Every Word To By Modern Melly Ugh. This morning I woke up, with no discernable reason, with the song Rainy Days and Mondays playing in in my head. Now, A) It’s not Monday, it’s Tuesday. B) It’s not raining, it’s actually an M- F-ing blizzard, first of the season. Had I not seen … Read More

Mean Kinda Funny

Mean Kinda Funny

Some people seem to be born with that gene that makes them just simply know how to act right, behave, be cool. They tell appropriate jokes, they laugh normal… my humor? Well, let’s say that it takes a certain kind of folk to appreciate. It all comes from the German side of the family, my mother’s side. Germans love mean humor- you know, … Read More

Feed A Cold, Starve A Fever?!

Feed A Cold, Starve A Fever?!

Feed A Cold, Starve A Fever?! By ModernMelly   Heyyy. Sigh. So. I took an unplanned, unwanted month (plus) long hiatus from, well… everything, thanks to the flu, and subsequently pneumonia. It pretty much kicked the shit out of me, to put it bluntly. Thirteen day of fever, a few doctor visits, an ER trip, and … Read More

Scattered

Yup. Scattered. That’d be the word for describing my brain activity yesterday, and so far (at 9:15am) the word of today, as well. Why? No seriously, whyyyyy ?? I’ve been trying to pin point the reason since yesterday morning, when I found myself all over the place- physically and mentally- from the moment I woke up. I had … Read More

I’m Just Here For The Comments

I have an amazing group of friends. I simply love each one of them, and what they bring to the group. Now, having said that, I’ve got to tell you: they’re nuts. Granted, not certifiably so, and probably not any more nuts than your group of friends, but nuts nonetheless. So, I’ll give you a little background, … Read More

My 42 Year Dramedy

Let’s get right to it. I have an awkward confession to make. I don’t even know why on earth I’d want you to know how utterly…

Menopausal Mean Girls

One of the twenty seven projects I am currently (and simultaneously) working on, thank you ADD , is a storage bench in need of a seat cushion and some pretty fabric. Which means that a trip to the fabric store was in order. Now, as you may or may not know, I am somewhat new … Read More

He Should Know Better

He Should Know Better

Last night, while driving home from my full time job (Mary Poppins extraordinaire) my husband called with the all urgent request to not park behind him when I got home. I, of course, replied “You’re not the boss of me!” To which he laughed, to which I laughed harder (because I laugh at my own humor) and then … Read More

Another Blogger, Sorry.

Ahh, yes! Yay, another blogger! Cue yawns, eye rolls and scroll… Next, please. I know, I know- how many bloggers do we really need?! I can’t even promise you that I’ll have something more interesting to say than the last guy(or the next guy). This is entirely self gratuitous, and self promotion as well. http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Falling-Asleep-GIF.gif … Read More

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