Chronically sarcastic women are oft misunderstood, it a basic fact. Sometimes it’s a literal “you-honestly-don’t-get-sarcasm, do you?” kind of thing, and other times it’s the whole “you have to know me and know what I know in order to understand why I’m sarcastic” deal. Nonetheless, we are a misunderstood species. Unless we are talking to each other.
Have you ever heard two sarcastic women in conversation? We sound like this:
“Hey, how bout those sexy neon pink stilettos over there?”
“Oh, my God. I need those in my life. Must have. Now.”
” So, I definitely feel like being at work right now is way better than the beach. So glad we made that decision.”
“I know, the idea of relaxing in the sun, with a drink and a book? Gross.”
Of course, our conversations are not all as trivial as the above example, we just treat them all that way. You should know, my non sarcastic friends, that this is our self defense mechanism. Sarcasm is how we don’t kill people with our bare hands. And that is very important to know. Take our sarcasm away, and we cannot be held responsible for our actions.
With that little precursor written, I now give you:
The Ten Traits Sarcastic People Share
1) Our frequently raised eyebrow. Dead giveaway that we are being sarcastic.
2) We tend to use the words, “ Really?” and “Seriously?” a lot. As in, “Did you seriously think I was going to cook dinner tonight?”
3) We have three different and distinct laughs: A) The seriously dying over here laugh. B) The so not at all funny laugh. C) The get the fuck out of my face laugh.
4) We don’t give a fuck about what you’re saying, and it shows.
5) We are like pack animals. Once we find fellow sarcastics, we hang for life. Or until we become bored.
6) We are world weary. Seriously, We are exhausted by the inherent stupidity that we are subjected to on a daily basis.
7) Our kids learn and use sarcasm early on and appropriately.
8) Did I mention, we don’t care what you’re saying?
9) Much like the raised eyebrow, we affect what can only be described as ‘a smirk’. We are careful with our smirk n ‘brow, as we wish not to pull a later years Joan Crawford. That’s just scary, so no.
*In her defense, the early years Joan? Spot on:
And lastly,
10) Sarcastic women are actually very sensitive. Too sensitive, in fact. We are affected by and feel so much, that if we didn’t use sarcasm to get through the day- every day- we’d be curled up in a ball in some random corner, rocking and muttering, ‘make the stupid people stop, make the stupid people stop.’
So, give sarcastic women a break. It’s safer for everyone. Now, go have a super perfect day, while I go and enjoy my fun fun fun grocery shopping and mountain of laundry, that I’d way rather be doing instead of being out in my garden.
(I was being sarcastic.)
