Ever met someone who always has to outshine you? Yeah, me too. Let’s talk about it.
Let me tell you—I’ve crossed paths with more “Spotlight Snatchers” than I can count, and for the longest time, I had no idea how to respond without either snapping or completely shutting down. You know the type. You’re excited about something small or meaningful to you, and suddenly you’re in a weird competition you didn’t sign up for. You made potato salad? Well, theirs was featured in Southern Living and blessed by their great-aunt’s ghost or something.
These encounters leave me irritated, confused, and even a little hurt. In fact, I have shut down when it comes to sharing anything about myself or my life with people “in real life,” (not that y’all aren’t real!) because I don’t want the aggravation… or the confrontation. But I’m realizing now – after a lot of prayer, trial, and holy eyebrow raises – I need to handle this better. So, I’ve started by learning to recognize the patterns—not just in them, but in myself too. Turns out, these behaviors are more common than we think and often rooted in insecurity and a deep need to be seen. Sound familiar?
I’m not coming at this like an expert with it all figured out. I’m walking this journey just as you might be, learning to respond better, set healthier boundaries, and keep my peace intact. So today, I want to break down four types of these attention-hungry personalities and share some grace-filled, biblical ways we can deal with them—without losing our minds or our manners.
1. The Insecure Narcissist (a.k.a. The Humble Bragger)
Signature move: They act modest while secretly hoping you’ll hype them up.
Example: You say you helped at church and they go, “Oh wow, I used to volunteer every weekend for five years straight, but I don’t really talk about it much.”
What I’ve learned: This kind of bragging often comes from people who don’t feel valued unless someone else is clapping for them. *I’ve definitely been tempted to do the same at times!
What helps: I plan to try to gently acknowledge them without feeding into the need for applause. Maybe even just smile and steer the convo back to shared encouragement.
Verse check: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3
2. The One-Upper (a.k.a. The Competitive Conversationalist)
Signature move: No matter what you say, they’ve done it bigger or better.
Example: You proudly say, “I finally ran a 5K!” and they reply, “That’s cute. I did an Ironman in the desert with no water.”
What I’ve learned: They’re not trying to squash my joy on purpose. They just feel the need to prove themselves—even when no one asked.
What helps: I’m learning to celebrate my own wins without needing their approval. I can say, “That’s awesome! I’m really proud of myself too.” And mean it.
Verse check: “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” —Proverbs 27:2
3. The Conversational Narcissist (a.k.a. The Hijacker)
Signature move: Every convo somehow becomes about them.
Example: You’re talking about your daughter’s recital, and they cut in with, “Oh! That reminds me of when my son performed at Carnegie Hall.”
What I’ve learned: Some people just don’t realize they’re doing it. Others really feel invisible unless the focus is on them. Either way, it can wear you out.
What helps: I’m starting to practice the art of the redirect: “That sounds amazing—I definitely want to hear more, but let me finish this story real quick.” I haven’t used it yet, but I will.
Verse check: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” —James 1:19
4. The Know-It-All (a.k.a. The Unsolicited Expert)
Signature move: Unasked-for advice or correction is their love language.
Example: You say you’re trying a new recipe and suddenly they’re Gordon Ramsay with a Bible verse.
What I’ve learned: These folks often want to feel useful or needed—but sometimes it comes out as controlling or condescending. This one might irritate me the most & will probably take me the longest to manage better.
What helps: I will try to thank them (if I’m feeling gracious), then kindly hold my ground: “I’m excited to see how my version turns out, but I appreciate the tip!” If I can say it without being through gritted teeth, it’ll be a miracle.
Verse check: “If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know.” —1 Corinthians 8:2
What Can We Do?
1. Respond with Grace, Not Ego
When I’m tempted to match their energy with snark or defensiveness, I’ll try to pause. Sometimes a simple, curious response works best: “Oh wow, what made you decide to do it that way?”
2. Set Boundaries with Compassion
Jesus knew when to step away and protect His peace. It’s okay to take space or change the subject if someone consistently makes you feel small. Boundaries aren’t mean—they’re biblical (see Luke 5:16).
3. Remind Them (and Yourself) Where Worth Comes From
Our value isn’t in being impressive—it’s in being His. I pray to become the person who can gently tell someone, “You know, you don’t have to prove anything. You’re already enough.”
4. Check Our Own Hearts
Yep. This one stings. But sometimes the “Spotlight Snatcher”… is us. When I feel the urge to perform, I remind myself that God sees me. That’s more than enough.
Final Thoughts
People like this will always exist. But the more I root my identity in Christ, the less I need to compete, prove, or react. And the easier it becomes to extend grace to others who are still figuring it out too.
So yes, make your potato salad. Love your version. And let others bring theirs too. There’s room at the table.
Oh, and Remember…
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” —Galatians 1:10
