Spoiler: The answer is yes!
(*In my humble opinion, at least)
Have you ever met someone who seemed perfect on paper, but something just… didn’t… click? Or perhaps you’ve fallen head over heels for someone, only to realize the timing wasn’t right? Relationships are a lot like cooking—you can have the best ingredients, but without the right timing, balance, and chemistry, the result might not turn out as you hoped.
My husband gets the credit for coining what we believe is the foundation of a successful relationship: Timing, Balance, & Chemistry. Let’s explore why they are essential, how to recognize them when they’re present—and when they’re not.
Timing: It’s All About When, Not Just Who
My husband and I agree he and I would never have worked out had we met earlier in life. We recognized from the sharing of personal anecdotes that the younger versions of ourselves would have been incompatible (maybe even volatile). We were equally stubborn, strong-willed, passionate, & perhaps even selfish individuals not ready to soften our edges for another person. Yet, our older mature versions are completely compatible. In other words, the timing was right.
Timing is arguably one of the trickiest parts of a relationship. You could meet your soulmate at the wrong moment—when one of you is moving away, going through personal struggles, or just not ready for commitment. Timing doesn’t mean everything has to be perfect (because, let’s face it, life rarely is), but it does mean that both people are in a place where they can prioritize each other.
On paper, my husband and I didn’t seem like we’d work. He’s a city boy, I’m a small town girl. He’s lived a life of high exposure to all life’s darkness, I’ve been sheltered my whole life. I entered the relationship with children, he had none. The list goes on. Yet, he and I were each at the point in our respective lives where we ready. We saw something in one another that was worth navigating those differences. Again, the timing was right.
Signs the timing is right:
- You both have the emotional bandwidth for a relationship.
- Neither of you is constantly saying, “I’d love to, but…” when it comes to spending time together.
- Your life paths, while not identical, align enough to support growth together.
How to know it’s not:
- One of you is still healing from a major breakup or life event.
- Career or life goals are pulling you in opposite directions, and compromise isn’t an option right now.
- The relationship feels more like a “when we have time” rather than a priority.
In the first couple years, my husband worked eves & I worked during the day. So that we could spend as much precious time together as possible, he would come over after his shift, often not arriving until nearly 1am. I slept from about 1o pm until his arrival, then we’d stay up for a few hours. All just to spend time together. We laugh now about how crazy that was, but the point is: we didn’t let obstacles get in our way.
If the timing isn’t right, don’t despair. Sometimes it’s about waiting until the pieces fit—or realizing that you’re better off letting go.
Balance: The Key to Sustainable Love
A relationship thrives when there’s balance—between giving and taking, independence and togetherness, and even work and play. Without balance, relationships can tip into unhealthy dynamics, like one person feeling like they’re doing all the emotional labor or the other feeling smothered.
Signs of balance:
- Both of you feel heard, respected, and valued.
- You support each other’s individual goals and ambitions without feeling threatened.
- Conflicts are resolved without one person always “winning.”
Red flags of imbalance:
- One person consistently sacrifices their needs for the other.
- There’s a lack of reciprocity in emotional or practical support.
- The relationship feels like it’s on one person’s terms.
Striking balance doesn’t mean keeping score. It’s about being attuned to what you both need and ensuring the relationship nurtures you as individuals and as a couple.
Honestly? Before my husband, I had a knack for wildly imbalanced relationships. I was a drama magnet. At the end of my last relationship prior to meeting my husband, I had to finally take that long look in the mirror and acknowledge that the one common denominator to my failed relationships (and the sameness of each of them) was ME. I was the problem. I needed to change. More accurately: I needed to grow up if I wanted a grown up relationship. To do that, I had to become a more balanced person to attract a more balanced person.
Chemistry: The Spark That Ignites It All
Chemistry is what makes a relationship exciting, fun, and passionate. It’s the inexplicable connection that draws two people together and makes the mundane feel magical. While chemistry is important, it’s not enough on its own—without timing and balance, that spark can fizzle out.
Signs of good chemistry:
- You enjoy spending time together, even during the most boring activities.
- There’s an ease in your conversations and physical connection.
- You feel energized, not drained, after being around them.
When chemistry isn’t enough:
- There’s passion but no shared values or goals.
- Physical attraction is strong, but emotional intimacy is lacking.
- You feel uncertain or anxious about where you stand with them.
Great chemistry doesn’t always mean “forever,” but when paired with the right timing and balance, it can make for a truly magical relationship.
The chemistry of our relationship is something precious and private for us. However, it goes far beyond the physical. We seek each other out in every crowd. We are each other’s home. We’re one another’s favorite person to talk to. We recognize how blessed we are to have a chemistry that has not mellowed, but rather deepened thanks to a profound sense of safety and comfort with and for each other.
When All Three Align
The sweet spot in a relationship happens when timing, balance, and chemistry all come together. This is when things feel effortless, even in challenging moments. You’re on the same page, you bring out the best in each other, and you’re growing together rather than apart.
How to recognize it:
- You feel secure and confident in the relationship.
- There’s mutual effort to make things work, even when life gets complicated.
- You can envision a future together that feels exciting, not forced.
The early days of our relationship were pretty typical of budding relationships: always dining out, going to concerts & shows, taking romantic getaways… in other words: fun, fun, more fun! It’s easy to fall in love with all that excitement. But what happens when you start sharing a regular life? The not-so-fun stuff? Who are you when you strip away the shiny blush of new love and start to settle into everyday love? We were so blessed to discover we loved the quiet togetherness as much as (actually, even more than) the exciting moments. Nearly sixteen years in, and we still religiously have weekly “date nights.” We flirt. We reminisce. We (still) learn new things about each other. We vent. We laugh. We get sentimental & emotional. We have the silliest conversations & ones that hurt our hearts. The timing was right. The balance is good. The chemistry is strong. Those first elements were the foundation on which we built everything we are. It allowed us to discover out shared values and beliefs, grow in mutual respect and admiration, foster our trust, and create a life together. Without the initial three, none other could follow.
What If One Element Is Missing?
It’s worth asking: Can a relationship survive if one of these elements is lacking? The answer depends on what’s missing and how important it is to both people. Timing can sometimes be adjusted, balance can be worked on, and chemistry can grow—but it requires honesty, patience, and a willingness to put in the effort.
If you find yourself questioning whether your relationship has timing, balance, and chemistry, take a moment to reflect. Are your needs being met? Are you both putting in the work? And most importantly, does it feel right?
Relationships aren’t perfect, and they don’t have to be. But when timing, balance, and chemistry align, they can become something truly extraordinary. So, take your time, trust your instincts, and remember: love isn’t just about finding the right person; it’s about finding them at the right time, in the right way, and with the right spark.
