Not everyone with a big ego is a narcissist. But behind most narcissists is a broken heart.
Spiritual root of narcissism…
We’ve all dealt with that person. You know the one: never wrong, always the victim, allergic to humility, and somehow makes every conversation about themselves (even when it’s your birthday).
I’ve certainly known a few in my life, and can even pinpoint a few times where I may have behaved narcissistly (not a word, but let’s go with it). Ironically, it wasn’t until I was developing a character for one of my books (THIS ONE), that I dug into learning about the why and how of a true narcissist. Here’s what I learned, and ways to not only recognize, but cope.
“Narcissist” gets thrown around like confetti these days. It’s become the go-to insult for anyone who’s perceived as selfish, arrogant, or emotionally unavailable. But real narcissism? It runs way deeper. And spoiler alert: it’s not always about ego, it’s often about wounds.
The world says, “They’re toxic. Cut ‘em off.”
The Bible says, “Discern the heart. Guard yours. And speak truth in love.”
So let’s take a deeper look, not to excuse, but to understand. Because healing, boundaries, and wisdom all start with seeing clearly.
1. Wounded Kids in Grown-Up Bodies
Here’s the truth most people miss: narcissists weren’t always narcissists.
Many were wounded children: neglected, criticized, or manipulated, who learned early that vulnerability = danger. So, they built a false self. One that looked impressive enough to keep the world at arm’s length.
Others were overindulged. Praised for everything, corrected for nothing. They grew up believing the world revolved around them… and now throw tantrums when it doesn’t.
📖 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4
The Bible calls for balance: truth and love. But too much of either (without the other) breeds brokenness.
2. Insecurity With a Loud Outfit
Narcissists come off as confident, but underneath the bravado is a fragile ego gasping for affirmation. Their obsession with being admired? It’s fear in disguise.
They chase applause because they fear they’re not enough. They dominate conversations because silence makes them feel invisible. And they control people because they’re scared of being controlled.
📖 “Am I now trying to win the approval of man, or of God? … If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10
We’re not meant to live off applause, we’re meant to rest in identity. But when you don’t know who you are in Christ, you’ll try to be everything to everyone… and lose your soul in the process.
3. A Culture That Rewards Pride
Let’s be honest: we’re living in a narcissist’s paradise.
📱 Social media thrives on selfies, likes, and curated perfection.
🥇 Achievement is idolized.
🧘♀️ Self-love is preached as gospel.
In a world where everything screams “make it about you!”, it’s no wonder we’ve got a narcissism epidemic.
📖 “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” – Psalm 139:14
We weren’t made to compete, we were made to belong. And our value doesn’t come from filters or followers. It comes from being His.
4. No Boundaries = No Growth
Some people become narcissists because no one ever told them “no.”
They were enabled, excused, even worshipped. Every bad behavior was justified. Every tantrum tolerated.
Now, they expect the world to cater to their every whim—and throw shade (or a full-blown meltdown) when it doesn’t.
📖 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” – Proverbs 12:1
(Yes, the Bible said it, not me!)
Correction is love. Without it? Pride festers. And pride always leads to destruction.
5. A Heart That’s Never Met the Healer
At its root, narcissism isn’t just a personality issue, it’s a spiritual one.
It’s what happens when people build their identity on shifting sand instead of the Rock. When image becomes everything and intimacy feels terrifying.
But here’s the good news: God doesn’t heal the mask. He heals the heart.
📖 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…” – Ezekiel 36:26
Narcissists don’t need more applause.
They need transformation. And only God can do that.
What Can We Do With All This?
👉 If you’re dealing with a narcissist:
Set firm boundaries. Don’t confuse meekness with weakness.
Don’t take the bait—guard your peace.
Pray for them. Seriously. Only God can soften that heart of stone.
Speak truth with love. Even if it’s not received, it still matters.
👉 If you’re seeing hints of it in yourself:
Ask: Am I more concerned with being admired than being honest?
Repent where needed. God already knows—it’s safe to come clean.
Re-root your identity in Christ. Not success. Not likes. Not approval.
Final Thought:
Not everyone who’s confident is a narcissist.
But if the “confidence” you see is performative, aggressive, manipulative, or emotionally shallow—it’s probably a mask.
And here’s the thing about masks: they eventually crack.
But in the hands of Jesus? Even the most prideful heart can become humble. Even the most self-centered person can be redeemed.
That’s not just psychology. That’s the power of the Gospel.
